Introduction
The year 2012 is supposed to result in a slew of natural disasters
culminating in the end of the world (as we know it, or think we know it, as the
case may be). We know this prediction is
true because a bunch of savage, child sacrificing, jungle-dwelling Mayans
2
prophesied it hundreds of years ago through their amazingly accurate calendar.
Never mind that the date for Armageddon was originally set as December 24, 2011.
We now know that these events will occur at exactly 11:11 GMT on December 21
2012, even though some Mayan predictions go all the way to 4772 A.D.
3
Those Mayans really knew everything about astronomy, since their calendar consisted
of 260-day periods, which we now know represents the true length of the solar
year! According to the Mayan calendar, the "Great Cycle" equates with 5,125.36
years, which began on August 11, 3114 B.C. and ends in 2012. Unfortunately for
the Maya (but maybe fortunately for us), they ended before their calendar.
Other prophesiers
The Maya were not the only people to predict the end of the world.
Incan and Egyptian calendars, as well as with the prophecies of
Nostradamus, Edgar Cayce (famous for predicting from 1958-1998 that a
tilting of the Earth's axis would result in "The earth will be broken up
in the western portion of America. The greater portion of Japan must go
into the sea."), and the I Ching, Hopi Indians, along with a slew of
wackos have indicated that the apocalypse will occur in December 2012.
Nostradamus predicted a great comet, Nibiru, would impact the
Mediterranean on December 21, 2012 (or was it the year 1999? - close
enough!).
Natural disasters
Not content with just one disaster at a time, 2012 will unleash the
ultimate disaster movie - earthquakes, volcanic eruptions, hurricanes, tsunamis, floods, and
droughts (at the same time and place!). These events are thought to be
caused by a polar shift, enormous asteroids, violent solar activity
(never mind that the Sun is now at its most quiet phase in recorded
history), the emergence of Planet X or Nibiru, and the planetary
alignment of Venus. Never mind that the next Venetian alignment is
actually, on June 5-6, 2012, and that the alignment will produce a
gravitational interaction on the order of your neighbor's Toaster
Strudel. This is real science, man! The other probable causes of these
disasters relate to the earth's precession, a 26,000 year cycle that
just happens to coincide with the 12/21/2012 date (how it coincides we
aren't sure, but we want to throw it in so that nothing is left out). In
addition, our Solar System crosses in and out of the galactic plane
every 33 million years. Coincidentally, the Sun will be at the exact
center of the galactic plane on December 21, 2012 (or maybe it already
happened 3 million years ago - but who's counting). At the same
time, there will be a massive pole shift caused by the galactic
alignment between the center of the galaxy and the Sun that will cause
massive earthquakes, volcanoes, and tsunamis. What fun!
Government conspiracy
The really bad thing about 2012 is that the government knows everything about
what is going to happen and they are keeping it from you. When Barack Obama
talked about change, he wasn't kidding! In fact, they have set up a secret
organization, including a secret website, the
Institute
for Human Continuity, to promote the continued survival of the human species
after December 21, 2012. Among other things, the
Institute
is conducting a
lottery to determine which humans will be selected to inhabit the
subterranean cities in their "Operation Safe Haven." Surprisingly, the
Institute
has been operating since 1978, when they held their
first Summit in in Timaru, New Zealand. You best get aboard while you can.
Don't wait until 2012! If the links don't work, then I guess you were too late
(or Sony pulled the movie site after they released the DVD version of their
movie).
The real 2012 prophecy
Conspiracy?
In case you didn't get it, this page is satire.
The "government conspiracy" websites are really a product of Sony
Pictures to promote their movie. Some of my readers made me put in this
disclaimer, since they didn't think that some of you could figure this
out on your own. They just wanted to ruin all my fun!
Since everybody else is making 2012 predictions, I thought I would throw
mine into the mix. And here it is... The 2012 disasters are such good
violence and mayhem that they would make the ultimate disaster movie. Hey,
somebody needs to make a lot of money by taking from the
ignorant interested people.
Authors will write books and studios will make movies and the con artists
will make lots of money—just like the good old days of
Y2K.
Prepare for 2012!
There isn't much that one could do to prepare for the end of the world.
Of course, if you really believe the world is going to end, then you won't
be needing your money. So, you could send it to me. Alternatively, you could
follow the advice Jesus gave to the rich young ruler (Matthew 19:21).
Conclusion
Yes, there will be earthquakes, volcanoes, floods and droughts in
2012, just as there are in every year. My 2012 prediction is that
scammers will make a lot of money off
gullible
astute people. Now, if I could only figure out how to use that Parmesan Chicken with
Pasta Rags recipe from my GE newsletter in my new GE Dishwasher. Don't
miss our page devoted to Nostradamus:
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